Looking at myself in the mirror
I see what happens to be God’s error
He put me on earth by mistake
When He should have had me put away
My mouth ought to be gagged and my hands bound
For wherever I am pain and sorrow are around
They keep me company wherever I may be
Making me afraid of myself, I’m scared of me
I fear the thought of getting close to someone
Fear the wounds I might inflict, they cannot be undone
I am a threat to society and unto myself
Have me locked away, somebody throw me in a cell
I am unworthy of being alive, of human compassion
I need to be put in solitary confinement, kept in isolation
I’m a victim of my own mind, my own psyche
There’s nothing you can do now that can save me
Do I have a split personality? Why do I feel remorse today?
This is not me, because this is jus not my way
I’m a beast, a being of negativity
Grief is all I am capable of giving
Something seems to have taken over me now
I am feeling sorry for the things I have done, but how?
Is it possible that I too have a good side, one that can love?
No I’m quite sure it’s the devil in me, it’s his will I serve
Now there’s no escape for me,
Forever I’m doomed to be
This desolate, cursed creature of darkness
The one who is the personification of sadness
A cheater and a hypocrite is what I am
I am unworthy of being someone’s friend
For all I will ever do is blind them
With my masks and my false pretense
May be God put me on earth deliberately
May be He wanted me to suffer endlessly
For the sins I may have committed in my last birth
For every single person that I have hurt
The reason why I’m feeling this is because of my dirty ways
Every time I get close to a girl I feel something else
I don’t understand why I must always
Misinterpret my feeling of friendship as something else
And then I have to reconcile
Tell my mind every time
That what I am feeling is not love
That I have only friendship to give
And then each time I do this
I lose respect for myself
I feel like I’m worthless
Why am I so desperate?
I now realize one thing
All I ever was, am and will be is a lie
This is not only the truth
It is the only truth.
- Abhilash Ram -
- 11:59 hrs, Monday, January 15, 2007 -
