Depression

Looking at myself in the mirror

I see what happens to be God’s error

He put me on earth by mistake

When He should have had me put away

 

My mouth ought to be gagged and my hands bound

For wherever I am pain and sorrow are around

They keep me company wherever I may be

Making me afraid of myself, I’m scared of me

 

I fear the thought of getting close to someone

Fear the wounds I might inflict, they cannot be undone

I am a threat to society and unto myself

Have me locked away, somebody throw me in a cell

 

I am unworthy of being alive, of human compassion

I need to be put in solitary confinement, kept in isolation

I’m a victim of my own mind, my own psyche

There’s nothing you can do now that can save me

 

Do I have a split personality? Why do I feel remorse today?

This is not me, because this is jus not my way

I’m a beast, a being of negativity

Grief is all I am capable of giving

 

Something seems to have taken over me now

I am feeling sorry for the things I have done, but how?

Is it possible that I too have a good side, one that can love?

No I’m quite sure it’s the devil in me, it’s his will I serve

 

Now there’s no escape for me,

Forever I’m doomed to be

This desolate, cursed creature of darkness

The one who is the personification of sadness

 

A cheater and a hypocrite is what I am

I am unworthy of being someone’s friend

For all I will ever do is blind them

With my masks and my false pretense

 

May be God put me on earth deliberately

May be He wanted me to suffer endlessly

For the sins I may have committed in my last birth

For every single person that I have hurt

 

The reason why I’m feeling this is because of my dirty ways

Every time I get close to a girl I feel something else

I don’t understand why I must always

Misinterpret my feeling of friendship as something else

 

And then I have to reconcile

Tell my mind every time

That what I am feeling is not love

That I have only friendship to give

 

And then each time I do this

I lose respect for myself

I feel like I’m worthless

Why am I so desperate?

 

I now realize one thing

All I ever was, am and will be is a lie

This is not only the truth

It is the only truth.

 

- Abhilash Ram -

- 11:59 hrs, Monday, January 15, 2007 -