ANGER Quelled by a Dear Dear Friend!!

ANGER is always only an alphabet - "D" away from DANGER, so saying a very very dear friend of mine advised me to divert my anger toward more positive causes. She actually sat and listened to me for more than a couple of hours, as i went on and on about my problems, my sadness, my anger and everything else. I feel so indebted to her. The calmness and the intent with which she listened to me was, and will always be amazing to me. such sincerity i have not seen in anyone.

Its almost as if GOD had sent her in HIS place to solve my problems. She was not a very big part of my life until today. but today she is the the biggest part of my life second only to Hari. Having extended her hand in help to me today she has become the second closest person to me. until there was only Hari who know everything about me. toay someone else has joined that list. I always did like her but never knew that she would one day become so close to me to actually know as much about me as she does today!!

well, all of it i attribute to GOD. If not for HIM none of this would happen. also i must thank IT, for without the problem that IT caused my life wouldnt have changed as it has today!! Indirectly IT too is responsible for this situation. but that doesnt mean that IT deserves a thank you from me!!

The thing is I hold very few people close to my heart and i try my best to keep them that way. but when someone comes in the middle and causes trouble, u know disturbs the peace, i lose it and if i start retaliating it starts looking very bad and that i would love to avoid!! and the day i say "no, i dont want to be your friend", thats when i really have actually severed all emotional ties with the concerned person and IT has taken things to that extent where i have said "no".

and now the very sight of IT causes me to get very upset. but thanx to my dear friend, i have today been able to decide on a course of action to remedy the situation. she so nicely put if to me that i need to do what my instinct tells me to do, because, according to her, when u think about such problems you only tend to get more upset and that clouds the ability to think and make the right decision. so she asked me not to think abt the problem and do what i feel like the doing themoment i start thinking about IT.

and that my friends, is one of the most profound pieces of advice i've evry received. she's wise beyond her years!! she truly is!! i thank GOD for having sent me such an understanding and gr8 frind such as her!! i am forever in her Debt and in GOD's debt!!

How angry is really angry??

These past few days have been very tough on me. And it has brought about a marked change in my behaviour. it's made me frustrated, angry, sad, and many other things. i'm a bloody soup of emotions right now. and until now, i used to think it was jus work pressure, but i guess i've found out the exact reason. i hadnt known until now, but i think i know the reason for my current situation. and i sure as hell am going to obliterate it. run it into the ground and destroy it, strip it atom from atom.

Man am i angry right now, it makes my blood boil and my knuckels go white when i think of it. it will see its end soo and that it can be sure of. that lying face, those deceitful eyes, that calculated mind and that sneaky tongue, all of them they will pay and they will pay dearly!

I do not wish to reveal what the problem is. and hence i will refer to it as "the problem" or "IT". My problem is that i am a very insecure person when it comes to my friends. as otherwise i'm alright. i have this constant fear of losing my precious friends. i know it sounds stupid but thats the truth. and when something causes me to start feeling insecure that when i start feeling like i have to do something and make things alright.

the sad part is that i actually had some thing to do with the social life of IT. IT never had a social life until IT met me. and after all this time IT has had the audacity to actually come up to me and do stuff that IT knows as well as i that i hate.

and the more irritating part is the fact that IT is safe from all sides, rather IT has such a calculative mind that IT makes sure it is safe from all sides. There is nothing i can do to hurt IT and that makes me even more mad. But there is only so much you can do and only so much u can say.

so i'm gonna take things to a different level now. a level that IT will not be able to understand or do anything in. There are somany things that IT is doing everyday that is making me more and more angry. I do not know when it will be the day that i burtst. and i pray to GOD that things change before i do, for i do not know what i will unleash upon IT once that happens. i know that this sounds really FILMY, but only ppl who really know me can really guage the depth of what i'm saying here!

It had the nerve to put me in a spot, that is something that i do NOT relish at all. and IT will pay through its noise for what it has done to me!

i donot wish to go on and on saying the same things i have been saying in above paragraphs, but this was the only way i could actually vent a bit of my anger other than punching a wall or door or something.